You may not realize this, but I'm fucking hilarious. No, it doesn't really matter whether you agree, in my heart I know its true. So it is. Just like that peeps. Magic.
So because I'm hilarious, I enjoy a good joke.
Here is one.
A politician dies. He awakes at the Pearly Gates, in front of a slightly confused St. Peter. He asks Pete what's up.
Pete replies, "Well sir, you're name is here on the dead list, but it doesn't specify where you're to go. Now I've been thinking and I've decided to let you decide. You can go to either, because you've been a good person through charities you've supported but you've been bad too, being a politician. So, you're gonna spend a day in heaven and a day in hell. Where do you wanna go first?"
The politician shrugs and says "I guess we'll go down first." So he takes the elevator below. When he arrives and steps out, he is greeted by a glorious sight. An endless expanse of a perfect cut grass makes the most beautiful golf course in existence. Piles of sinful food sends mouth watering scents though the air. Crowded on the tables are bottles of hundred year old whiskey and scotch and champagne. Woman of all shapes and sizes await his every whim. And man! All of his friends are down here.
The politician spends the day in absolute ecstasy, drinking and golfing and fucking and hanging with old friends. The day ends and he takes the elevator back up to the gates. Here he enters heaven. It's cool, with harps and angels and shit, and the politician is torn. When the second day ends, St. Peter drags the politician back out to the Pearly Gates.
"Alright," Pete says, "which will it be: heaven or hell?"
"Well I don't know," the politician replies, "hell is, well, hell, and heaven is lovely and all, but hell, man it's got everything! The golf course, the food, the booze, the women and all my buddies. I know it doesn't sound right, but Pete, I think I'm gonna head down to hell.
St. Peter nods his head and sends the politician back down the elevator. When he arrives at the gates of hell this time, its fire and brimstone and torture and shit. The politician stands there stunned when Lucifer happens to pass by. The politician gets Satan's attention and asks "what the hell is this place? I was here yesterday, and it was nothing like this. Where's the course and the booze and the women? Where'd they go?"
Lucifer shrugs, "Yesterday was the campaign. You voted for hell and the election's over."
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
I got this joke from my grandfather's old friend (the friend isn't old but my grandfather's dead, so technically, its Grandpa's former friend). While out eating tonight, my parents and I overhead him telling this joke to his dinner companion. I thought it was awesome, especially since the friend is a politician. I changed it a bit, mainly because I wasn't paying attention for the first part of the joke and partly because I'm better at telling jokes. Oh modestly, thy name is not mine.
Night dorks.
BTW, the word "ecstasy" was originally capitalized by Blogger. Nice, Blogger. Real nice, you fucking druggie.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Things that Happened Since We Last Spoke
Which occurred sometime last week when I spoke about marble busts. What?, you say. You spoke of marble busts (or is it busks, huh)?! How exciting, how adventurous. Anyway.
1. I have to reschedule my appointment with my pediatrician. Yes, I have a kid doctor. You pause and probably say, isn't she seventeen? Yeah, I am but the internal doctor I was supposed to have doesn't take any patients younger than eighteen so I got a kiddie doctor. It sucks because I have to sit in a room with little kids every couple of months with my mom. Picture giant me, 5'8, build like a shithouse trying to blend in around three and two year olds. I love hanging out for twenty or thirty minute in an awkward situation. Ever happens again you call me up!
The situation blows for a second time because my doctor's secretary asked to speak with my mother for my information because apparently I either don't know or am a liar. I know its policy but Christ lady, I'm old enough to be here with my own kid. You think I don't know my own goddamn address? It's funny that they won't take information from you at the age of seventeen but at eighteen I'll what, suddenly become an upstanding citizen and never lie and tell the whole truth? Oh please AND bite me.
I have to reschedule because I procrastinated (there Mother, I admitted it. Are you happy?) and didn't schedule glucose testing until last Wednesday. The lab could only schedule me on the 15th of Spetember, which is a week before the doctor's appointment and the results take at least two weeks to come back.
2. I will be returning to school in under twelve hours. I'm so freaking nervous that I feel like vomiting. More on that later.
This rambling thing that occurs in the posts in very much true. If it doesn't contain rambling then it has probably been edited. I ramble and I try to just let everything flow when I write on here. If I do it here, I suppose, then I won't do it on assignments or essays in school and I (hopefully) won't do it as much at home. So if you don't like it, you can leave, because I'm sure it won't be a changing.
Finally, if I go missing or wind up dead, check the laptop for any dents. (Marco probably did it) Heh, love you Marco <smiles winningly>
Because you need the song stuck in your head too.
- Blogger has changed its template (program, oh whatever, its the viewy thing), which I do NOT like. I didn't like the other one either, so you can ignore this one. Wow, I feel like I'm trying to make a list on Microsoft Word, which I cannot do, and everything is fucking up.
- I decided to clean my laptop (aka Marco, yes he does have a name) keyboard. This was a bad idea because a) I had no idea how to pop keys bad into place b) I have split salsa, a whole glass of water and either a smushed raspberry or a strawberry on the whole thing so it is disgusting. I also have four cats, so it is HAIRY in their. But fortunately, armed with a good number of Lysol wipes (which I use for everything. Lysol, honey, you wanna hook me up I could wax on and on about the power of Lysol in all forms. Call me. Uh, well email me. Just get in touch babe.) Right, so the keyboard is clean and all. Well its kinda clean. All the salsa blotches are gone, so yay! Sadly, some of my keys don't like staying put and pop out randomly and the other one enjoy sticking or jamming. Fun times we're having, me and Marco. Dear Marco gonna get a kick in the screen and a trip to the dumpster. Don't fuck with me Marco, I'm warning you.
- I listen to "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People around 43 times today. I think I'm in love.
- I wasted, I mean, enjoyed an entire day, an endless ten hours volunteering at the large Petsave. There were around two hundred cats and ten dogs. I was in frickin heaven peeps.
1. I have to reschedule my appointment with my pediatrician. Yes, I have a kid doctor. You pause and probably say, isn't she seventeen? Yeah, I am but the internal doctor I was supposed to have doesn't take any patients younger than eighteen so I got a kiddie doctor. It sucks because I have to sit in a room with little kids every couple of months with my mom. Picture giant me, 5'8, build like a shithouse trying to blend in around three and two year olds. I love hanging out for twenty or thirty minute in an awkward situation. Ever happens again you call me up!
The situation blows for a second time because my doctor's secretary asked to speak with my mother for my information because apparently I either don't know or am a liar. I know its policy but Christ lady, I'm old enough to be here with my own kid. You think I don't know my own goddamn address? It's funny that they won't take information from you at the age of seventeen but at eighteen I'll what, suddenly become an upstanding citizen and never lie and tell the whole truth? Oh please AND bite me.
I have to reschedule because I procrastinated (there Mother, I admitted it. Are you happy?) and didn't schedule glucose testing until last Wednesday. The lab could only schedule me on the 15th of Spetember, which is a week before the doctor's appointment and the results take at least two weeks to come back.
2. I will be returning to school in under twelve hours. I'm so freaking nervous that I feel like vomiting. More on that later.
This rambling thing that occurs in the posts in very much true. If it doesn't contain rambling then it has probably been edited. I ramble and I try to just let everything flow when I write on here. If I do it here, I suppose, then I won't do it on assignments or essays in school and I (hopefully) won't do it as much at home. So if you don't like it, you can leave, because I'm sure it won't be a changing.
Finally, if I go missing or wind up dead, check the laptop for any dents. (Marco probably did it) Heh, love you Marco <smiles winningly>
Because you need the song stuck in your head too.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The amnimals II (From Lilo and Stitch. I remembered the movie!!)
I've recently become obsessed with puppies. I don't want a puppy, no not at all. In fact, every time I look at puppy, I go "ah, cute! way too much poop". Oh, yeah, poop is the main reason. But I love all animals, but right now, a puppy isn't in the works.
I think I'm upset because I recently made a very serious decision. To me, the decision is epic, to the rest of the world, not so much.
I mentioned recently that my family and I found a little black pregnant kitten in the backyard. Yeah, she did end up pregnant and a little over three weeks ago, she gave birth to two tiny, fuzzy adorable little kitties. One is black with a white under belly, she is so fricking adorable, and I named her Black n White (oh yeah, I'm original). The other one is mainly black like her mom, but she has blotches of white and gold and orange. Her original name was Reese's Pieces, because she looks like peanut butter and chocolate, but that name was veetoed (even though they're technically MY cats) and we all call her Peanut Butter.
Six weeks later, when I got around to finishing this post...
The big decision that was made is that we can't keep Black n White and Peanut Butter. They will be going to Petsave, the organisation where my mother and I volunteer as soon as possible. They will get lovely homes and live with good people. I have to tell myself this because if I even think otherwise, I feel like I'm gonna cry. They are evil little kitties, but somewhere deep down they're good too. Well maybe. Here are pictures.
If you're good, you get more photos. And yeah, they swear a lot. They did grow up around me and Big. Big's swears more though.
Alright, get gone. Go pet a cat. Unless they're outside and will swipe you and you get rabies or cat scratch fever, like my sister Bigger. The fever, not rabies, although the rabies would explain a lot about Bigger. Just kidding. Uh, not. Just be good to cats people. Oh, and dogs. Yup, still obsessed with puppies.
I think I'm upset because I recently made a very serious decision. To me, the decision is epic, to the rest of the world, not so much.
I mentioned recently that my family and I found a little black pregnant kitten in the backyard. Yeah, she did end up pregnant and a little over three weeks ago, she gave birth to two tiny, fuzzy adorable little kitties. One is black with a white under belly, she is so fricking adorable, and I named her Black n White (oh yeah, I'm original). The other one is mainly black like her mom, but she has blotches of white and gold and orange. Her original name was Reese's Pieces, because she looks like peanut butter and chocolate, but that name was veetoed (even though they're technically MY cats) and we all call her Peanut Butter.
Six weeks later, when I got around to finishing this post...
The big decision that was made is that we can't keep Black n White and Peanut Butter. They will be going to Petsave, the organisation where my mother and I volunteer as soon as possible. They will get lovely homes and live with good people. I have to tell myself this because if I even think otherwise, I feel like I'm gonna cry. They are evil little kitties, but somewhere deep down they're good too. Well maybe. Here are pictures.
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| Black n White, sleeping |
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| "You're an idiot" Peanut Butter's so hostile |
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| "Don't take my damn picture! I'm gonna move, such to screw up you picture! Ha!" |
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| They both look evil. Mom and baby. |
If you're good, you get more photos. And yeah, they swear a lot. They did grow up around me and Big. Big's swears more though.
Alright, get gone. Go pet a cat. Unless they're outside and will swipe you and you get rabies or cat scratch fever, like my sister Bigger. The fever, not rabies, although the rabies would explain a lot about Bigger. Just kidding. Uh, not. Just be good to cats people. Oh, and dogs. Yup, still obsessed with puppies.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Over the Weekend
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| That is me. Especially the hat. |
Over the weekend, I went to Ruralist Ontario and partied with the Cousins. Blonde is my first cousin, Talk is his wife and their son, who is my age, is Dude. Oh yeah guys, I'm hopelessly imaginative.
Anyway, I was hanging out there for their annual fair and parade. I didn't attend the fair because I hate rides, can't eat hardly any candy because of the diabetes and there aren't any great vendors. Maybe I'll go back in a couple of years when I don't have a heart attack on the thought of spending twenty dollars on an ashtray, or twelve dollars and four cheap bracelets that have the names and flags of randoms countries painted on them. Oh wait, I did do that.
On the visit, I did go to the parade. I didn't run for candy (competing against four-year-olds? No thank you, I like my fingers), but joked and laughed with Big and Dad while we sat on the side.
But the real reason we when to Ruralist (I'd give you the actual name, but it really is a very small town) is because Dad wanted to get a little drunk and Big wanted to get wasted. We are definitely not an alcoholic family. Ha!
Big danced the night away as I slowly drank my four coolers. After sleeping for about six hours, Dad made us wake up and we walked around Ruralist. It was filled with vacationers and Mennonites and fair people. We stopped at a museum to take pictures of my great-grandmother's homemade diaromas of bunk houses and tiny villages, stopped at the tattoo parlour, the used book shop and finally some yard sales. Big picked up: a tin can to store money, four white bowls with little handles for cottage cheese, two tin ashtrays, a box of an assortment of glasses, a pair of vintage skates and a globe that still has the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia. What a thrifter!
So really, the point off this whole goddamn story is that at the yard sales, I saw this heavy plastic bust of Chopin. I kept staring and holding it, and I really REALLY wanted it, but I don't know who Chopin is so I couldn't buy it because you know people would ask who Chopin is and I would have to reply, "Uh, he's this dude, who wrote music...?" So I have decided to get at least four busts of people, preferably Roman or Greek gods and goddesses.
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| Like Marcus Aurelis here, who was a Roman emperor. |
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| There is this cool gut with a turban. He's pretty cool. |
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| There's also this French chick with a very aggressive nipple. |
I also found one who looked like Elvis, one I thought looked like Stephen Harper and one with creepy hollow white eyes that made me pause because he had a really cool feather on his hat. Here's my list for the other shit I want in my house/place. From the first two items, you can tell I'm being realistic.
Things I Want in My House
A jukebox
A pool table
A flat screen tv
A regular tv for the office
A dvd player for the living room and office
Three bedrooms (one for me, one for an office and one for a spare room)
A living room big enough for a sectional
Nice bookcases
A washing machine and a dryer
A marble counter
Lots of windows
A grass backyard for a clothes line and to play croquet
A desktop computer for the office
A bathroom with a large bathtub
No carpets
No shared driveway
A small garage (negotiable)
Lots of counter space
Lots of cupboards
No stairs outside house (negotiable)
A green fridge
Several plants that I will not have to water/care for
Closet in bedroom
Closet in front of house
A front door, a back door and an escape hatch
A couple of marble busts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Random Shit
Oh holy woah! I just discovered an amazing thing. So amazing. It's just freakin fantastic. You can link to a page like this one which is the general page or you can be specific, which I like when you click a link and its for an article that's halfway down the page so you end up not finding it and getting frustrated and you have to go along all confused and shit. So, you can do this amazing, extraordinary thing and be awesome and do this. You would not believe how freaking excited I got over this. I stopped everything I was doing just to show you. How special are you? Huh? Who's special? You are! Sorry, had a puppy moment.
I also picked up this fantastic book at my local Chapters. It was only ten bucks instead of the forty it would have been, plus I got an extra ten percent off. It's by the same author who wrote the Time Traveler's Wife and Her Fearful Symmetry. It's a quick read, but I love the pictures and the powerful feeling I got from the book. It's definitely a keeper and probably a read-to-children book, even if it's a little serious.
I'm also watching a fucking great tv series. It's so awesome, I don't even want my family members watching it because I don't wanna share. It's funny and serious and I hate her mother cause she's a whiny alcoholic, but other than that, it's great.
Mary is so funny and poor Marshall just loves her and lives with it. It is just so fabulous. I need to find some time to start on the second season. I still have to watch two and three and I can't download the most recent episodes of season four, so I have to wait. Damn. I'm really just trying to spread it out so I don't run out like I did with Sons of Anarchy, like three times. I hate having to wait a whole year for the dvd. Blows big time.
Oooh, also made a fab flour-less chocolate cake that blew my mind. And I can make it whenever because a) gluten/wheat free and b) we have all the ingredients almost all the time (the eggs are a maybe, they come and go) And I took a picture of it, because I've been taking pictures of everything to put on the blog and its driving me insane because I see anything AT ALL, I want to photograph it and show you. I share too much.
Alright, that's it. Go get a life. And watch good tv. And read great books. Oh! and eat chocolate cake. Of course.
I also picked up this fantastic book at my local Chapters. It was only ten bucks instead of the forty it would have been, plus I got an extra ten percent off. It's by the same author who wrote the Time Traveler's Wife and Her Fearful Symmetry. It's a quick read, but I love the pictures and the powerful feeling I got from the book. It's definitely a keeper and probably a read-to-children book, even if it's a little serious.
I'm also watching a fucking great tv series. It's so awesome, I don't even want my family members watching it because I don't wanna share. It's funny and serious and I hate her mother cause she's a whiny alcoholic, but other than that, it's great.
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| That's Mary and Bobby D in the background. Marshall's gorgeous, but I didn't like the background of the photos he was in. Heavens I'm picky. |
Oooh, also made a fab flour-less chocolate cake that blew my mind. And I can make it whenever because a) gluten/wheat free and b) we have all the ingredients almost all the time (the eggs are a maybe, they come and go) And I took a picture of it, because I've been taking pictures of everything to put on the blog and its driving me insane because I see anything AT ALL, I want to photograph it and show you. I share too much.
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| I wrote "hello" cause I'm both weird and friendly. Did it with a knife too. So cool. |
Alright, that's it. Go get a life. And watch good tv. And read great books. Oh! and eat chocolate cake. Of course.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Oh, and, uh, yeah.
I've been feeling kinda weird in the past few days. I've been lazing around the house, on the computer, watching television and feeling queasy. Currently, Mother and I are watching Will and Grace alongside Stargate SG-1, because obviously we are interesting and full of life. W & G happened because Mother bought one season at a yard sale and we both got hooked. I then ordered the rest of the series at the library. I love my library. We'll go back to that in a minute.
Mother owns the entire Stargate franchise (if you don't know what the is, I'm am ashamed for you, and here you go. Yeah, I use Wikipedia. Shut up)It's been about a year since we've watched it, and those were only the later seasons with Vala (I fucking love Vala! She's so awesome.) Mother and I will be doing a marathon, as we did with Buffy earlier this year. Watching Buffy again was so awesome because Big, Bigger, Mother and I watched the early years (Pre-Dawn) about six or seven years ago, so it was great because I couldn't remember some really good episodes from the third and fourth seasons.
Side note: I'm watching an episode of Stargate SG-1 (you're surprised, aren't you?) in season 2 called Spirits about exploiting Native Americans, and I'm kinda tired of the nice Indian stereotype).
So besides endless marathons, I've been reading the blogs of Lucy March and Jennifer Crusie, and it's tons of fun. March's a Year and Change is interesting, but sometimes it's a little serious, so I go to Crusie's, who's a bit more light hearted and longer with more funny. Crusie also includes snippets from her books, published and unpublished and her journeys with other writers and her collaborators (Eileen Dreyer, Anne Stuart and Bob Mayer, there are more, but I'm not that far in the archives). It's freaking fabulous.
I also have to watch the two series, In Plain Sight and Murphy Brown. For Murphy Brown, I'm reading the book, What Would Murphy Brown Do?, a series of essays about feminism and women power in sitcoms. I'm kinda only reading it because I typed Murphy Brown in at the library and the book popped up.
I fell queasy because I've been eating gluten, including one dumpling, which tasted delicious but did not feel good an hour later. I also ate about seven bowls of cereal over the last few days that doesn't have an gluten/wheat products in it, but contained oat flour, which is generally contaminated by wheat in the processing plants. Oh, I didn't mention it before? I don't eat gluten because it fucks me up. I don't think I have celiac disease, but I believe I could have an intolerance or allergy. We'll see, with some tests upcoming.
Another little medical drama is that I have been clinically diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). Yay! I`m actually quite nice to have a confirmed diagnosis and a solid answer to all the shit that I`ve been going through since I was ten. Although, now I know that it is gonna be difficult for me to concieve and the weight is probably never going to come off, no matter how much I exercise (or I`ll gain it back). But the really serious parts, the heart disease and the diabetes are two risks I`m almost guaranteed to have, especially since I already have diabetes. Yay! Didn't I mention that? Oops.
My keyboard is so fucked up, I have to google `question mark`then copy and paste it because my computer is a bilingual bitch.
Big is also in the Other Province with Biggest and will be there for another week. It sucks cause I miss her. And what sucks even worse is that Mother told Big on the telephone, so there goes all my cool.
And I forgot. My library is so awesome because they buy tons of books I love or get me books from other libraries when they can`t get it. All the librarians love me as well because I go almost every day. Their love is even more fabulous because they usually glare or don`t like all the other people I hang out with, which makes me special.
“In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.” Teal`c to Colonel Maybourne. I hate Maybourne, he`s such a fucking asshole.
I just read this article. It was so funny. Don`t read it if you`re at work or around people you get embarrassed around.
Tootles. Ha, spell check said that was a word. Score!
Mother owns the entire Stargate franchise (if you don't know what the is, I'm am ashamed for you, and here you go. Yeah, I use Wikipedia. Shut up)It's been about a year since we've watched it, and those were only the later seasons with Vala (I fucking love Vala! She's so awesome.) Mother and I will be doing a marathon, as we did with Buffy earlier this year. Watching Buffy again was so awesome because Big, Bigger, Mother and I watched the early years (Pre-Dawn) about six or seven years ago, so it was great because I couldn't remember some really good episodes from the third and fourth seasons.
Side note: I'm watching an episode of Stargate SG-1 (you're surprised, aren't you?) in season 2 called Spirits about exploiting Native Americans, and I'm kinda tired of the nice Indian stereotype).
So besides endless marathons, I've been reading the blogs of Lucy March and Jennifer Crusie, and it's tons of fun. March's a Year and Change is interesting, but sometimes it's a little serious, so I go to Crusie's, who's a bit more light hearted and longer with more funny. Crusie also includes snippets from her books, published and unpublished and her journeys with other writers and her collaborators (Eileen Dreyer, Anne Stuart and Bob Mayer, there are more, but I'm not that far in the archives). It's freaking fabulous.
I also have to watch the two series, In Plain Sight and Murphy Brown. For Murphy Brown, I'm reading the book, What Would Murphy Brown Do?, a series of essays about feminism and women power in sitcoms. I'm kinda only reading it because I typed Murphy Brown in at the library and the book popped up.
I fell queasy because I've been eating gluten, including one dumpling, which tasted delicious but did not feel good an hour later. I also ate about seven bowls of cereal over the last few days that doesn't have an gluten/wheat products in it, but contained oat flour, which is generally contaminated by wheat in the processing plants. Oh, I didn't mention it before? I don't eat gluten because it fucks me up. I don't think I have celiac disease, but I believe I could have an intolerance or allergy. We'll see, with some tests upcoming.
Another little medical drama is that I have been clinically diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). Yay! I`m actually quite nice to have a confirmed diagnosis and a solid answer to all the shit that I`ve been going through since I was ten. Although, now I know that it is gonna be difficult for me to concieve and the weight is probably never going to come off, no matter how much I exercise (or I`ll gain it back). But the really serious parts, the heart disease and the diabetes are two risks I`m almost guaranteed to have, especially since I already have diabetes. Yay! Didn't I mention that? Oops.
My keyboard is so fucked up, I have to google `question mark`then copy and paste it because my computer is a bilingual bitch.
Big is also in the Other Province with Biggest and will be there for another week. It sucks cause I miss her. And what sucks even worse is that Mother told Big on the telephone, so there goes all my cool.
And I forgot. My library is so awesome because they buy tons of books I love or get me books from other libraries when they can`t get it. All the librarians love me as well because I go almost every day. Their love is even more fabulous because they usually glare or don`t like all the other people I hang out with, which makes me special.
“In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.” Teal`c to Colonel Maybourne. I hate Maybourne, he`s such a fucking asshole.
I just read this article. It was so funny. Don`t read it if you`re at work or around people you get embarrassed around.
Tootles. Ha, spell check said that was a word. Score!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Introducing the family
I have a big family. My father has eight brothers and sisters and three step-siblings. My mother only has three, but she's very close to all of her aunts and uncles, so I know most of my great-aunts and uncles. My dad mother (Mamere Ann) had about a dozen siblings (yeah, I'm NOT quite sure. Deal.) and his bio father had about the same. Mother's mom had five siblings, her father had four and so on, and so forth.
So it's big.
So, through the course of the posting, I'll mention different relatives. Cousins who I cannot figure out what to call and my immediate family, my parents, my sisters and my grandmother and her boyfriend. My grandmother is Little (that's what I'm gonna call her) and she's the only surviving grandparent I have. Her boyfriend who she met after the death of Grandfather is The Hugger. Oh, and yes, a capital on the word 'the' is needed, because he is a hugger and it's not a good thing in my book.
My parents are Mother and Father or Ma and Pa or Mama and Papa. Yes, I will use every one of those variations, to fuck with you and because I call them all of these things and another variation that is one I invented so I'm not gonna share. Why would I give away my secret special name? Uh, hello? We're not that close. I don't know if you'll use the names to trick my parents and steal them away. I can't risk losing them, they pay my allowance! My parents are also still together and have been for, uh, about 21 years, give or take since I can't remember exactly (oh, and shut up because it's not my marriage so why the hell do I have to remember how long it's been going on?)
So, moving on. I have three sisters. And if I really wanna mess with you, I'll just say 'she' then won't identify them. Ooh, evil plans, I'm just full of 'em. But, to be nice, I'm going with Big, Bigger and Biggest. Ha! Genius, I know. Big is the closest to me in age, the third of four girls. She's one of my best friends and is currently living in a room adjacent to mine. We don't tap out secret messages on the wall, because we're grown up, of course, but we do have music competition. Cause we're grown up, but we're still teenagers.
Bigger is the second of the four of us. Out of the four of us, she and I are the most similar. She's been with a guy (Stretch, cause he's tall..ish) for about three years now (knock on wood, lots and lots of wood) and lives in an apartment with a cat. Yeah, we're cat people, if you hadn't guessed that.
Biggest is the eldest of the four of us, and is my half-sister, the result of Mother's first marriage. She and I are ten years apart, and I'm not as close to her because she was moving out of the house when I was five. She lives in another province with her husband, Stock. No, that's not his real name, but he's stocky and a big pain in the ass, but I can't call him Pain-in-the-Ass, because it takes too long to type, so Stock it is. She and Big are basically twins, who speak, act and think so much alike, you could confuse the two. Well, you could. Big and I now each other too well.
So, that's my family. Actually, that's my family for now. Over time, I'm gonna introduce you to more and more and more of them, until you explode and you cry "No, dear God, no! Stop seeing people. Stop talking to them! Too many names and too many people. Make it stop!" But I won't, of course, because I'm never going to get rid of them. (You ask "well, isn't that a good thing?" And I shake my head. I shake my head and walk away).
Okay, that's it. I'm bored. Bye for now.
So it's big.
So, through the course of the posting, I'll mention different relatives. Cousins who I cannot figure out what to call and my immediate family, my parents, my sisters and my grandmother and her boyfriend. My grandmother is Little (that's what I'm gonna call her) and she's the only surviving grandparent I have. Her boyfriend who she met after the death of Grandfather is The Hugger. Oh, and yes, a capital on the word 'the' is needed, because he is a hugger and it's not a good thing in my book.
My parents are Mother and Father or Ma and Pa or Mama and Papa. Yes, I will use every one of those variations, to fuck with you and because I call them all of these things and another variation that is one I invented so I'm not gonna share. Why would I give away my secret special name? Uh, hello? We're not that close. I don't know if you'll use the names to trick my parents and steal them away. I can't risk losing them, they pay my allowance! My parents are also still together and have been for, uh, about 21 years, give or take since I can't remember exactly (oh, and shut up because it's not my marriage so why the hell do I have to remember how long it's been going on?)
So, moving on. I have three sisters. And if I really wanna mess with you, I'll just say 'she' then won't identify them. Ooh, evil plans, I'm just full of 'em. But, to be nice, I'm going with Big, Bigger and Biggest. Ha! Genius, I know. Big is the closest to me in age, the third of four girls. She's one of my best friends and is currently living in a room adjacent to mine. We don't tap out secret messages on the wall, because we're grown up, of course, but we do have music competition. Cause we're grown up, but we're still teenagers.
Bigger is the second of the four of us. Out of the four of us, she and I are the most similar. She's been with a guy (Stretch, cause he's tall..ish) for about three years now (knock on wood, lots and lots of wood) and lives in an apartment with a cat. Yeah, we're cat people, if you hadn't guessed that.
Biggest is the eldest of the four of us, and is my half-sister, the result of Mother's first marriage. She and I are ten years apart, and I'm not as close to her because she was moving out of the house when I was five. She lives in another province with her husband, Stock. No, that's not his real name, but he's stocky and a big pain in the ass, but I can't call him Pain-in-the-Ass, because it takes too long to type, so Stock it is. She and Big are basically twins, who speak, act and think so much alike, you could confuse the two. Well, you could. Big and I now each other too well.
So, that's my family. Actually, that's my family for now. Over time, I'm gonna introduce you to more and more and more of them, until you explode and you cry "No, dear God, no! Stop seeing people. Stop talking to them! Too many names and too many people. Make it stop!" But I won't, of course, because I'm never going to get rid of them. (You ask "well, isn't that a good thing?" And I shake my head. I shake my head and walk away).
Okay, that's it. I'm bored. Bye for now.
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