Fifth grade All Over Again

I am reading instead of writing. I have had this problem since Harriet the Spy and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, both reading assignments in the fifth grade. Hence the title. your welcome.
I'll go over the series, mostly for me, but a little for you as well.
I'm reading a lot of Jill Shalvis, because that woman is awesome. I've read the first Wilder book, Instant Attraction, which was easy since I own it. then I had to wait for the next two. Damn!
Shalvis' Lucky Harbor series is going well. I just finished the third one, Head over Heels, excellent. then I read the fourth, Lucky in Love in about five minutes. Okay four hours, but it was great. And I just got the fifth, At Last from the library.
Animal Magnestism series is great, read the second, Animal Attraction in a day, then Rescue my Heart in a day. Now I have to wait until November for the fourth.
I read the end of Double Play, the first in her Pacific Heat series, because I'm, bad to the bone and now I'm nervous about reading the entire thing, because I'm stupid like that. I have to read the first in the Sky High series, Smart and Sexy, but I thought they were gonna be short stories but they aren't so I'm a little discouraged. (Short stories don't cause me as much heartache or stress because the problems are resolved quickly.)
I also started Shannon Stacey's Kowalski Family series, which is freaking awesome. I'm just about to start the third one, although I firmly believe the second will be my favorite forever. And Goodreads was so rude about it! ugh, heartbreaking. And I have to read some Inter library loaned books, one of which is the first in the Charmed Ninth Season graphic novel, another with short romances. I feel bad because they brought in a whole bunch of books that I requested but was too impatient for so bought. I mean, I bought all of them. So now I'm getting an inpour of these books and I've already read them all. I feel so guilty.

There are other updates, but I'm gonna wait for a while to talk about them. I already told my mother and she told my dad and they both got pissy about it, so fuck that, I'm not telling anyone else. I'm not ashamed, and I'm not avoiding telling people in case I don't go through with it I won't feel guilty. I just don't want everyone to start harping on me. These people can be real annoying.

So, I'm gonna go type up some ideas, and I think I'm gonna use the blog post space to do it, since I'm able to type away here. Microsoft Word intimidates me, APPARENTLY. So, happy typing. Wish me luck!!

June 16

I've been focusing on music and tv lately. I quit my job in May, which was awesome and am not really searching for a new one. So I watch movies and listen to music. I've memorized the words to When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars and Pontoon by Big Little Town. And I do sing them better. Its nice to just sit upstairs and belt away my favourites and relax. Jesus, I am relaxed. don't get me wrong, I understand that I need a job, I need to help pay bills, start putting away for a house, need to finish up my high school and unattatch myself from my mother. But for today, and maybe even tomorrow, this is nice.
We have a tornado warning in effect, its storming every ten minutes but its nice. I adore stormy weather, so this is a little perfect. Two sisters just left after father's day dinner and the eldest is coming in July. My parents are still struggling with bills, I'm still in a slump, my grandmother is still manipulating and favouring all her other children over my mother, one of my sisters is still an asshole, but I'LL BE OKAY. I think that's what I have to remember, what I have to keep repeating. Is that I WILL get better and I WILL succeed. I need to do it for my mom and my dad and the sisters and to write all the books, and for me. I can't keep letting the depression kill me, stop letting it control my life and my actions. I need to write everyday, and I need to see my friends, and I need to read and I need a job. Geez, I'm exhausted. Talk to you later

Update for April

I'm writing this at four in the morning. don't judge me, this is when I'm at my best. A lot of stuff has been happening recently. I've been having major trouble at work, but I don't want to talk about that. my older sister Bigger (the second born sister, there are four of us, its hard to use good pseudonyms when I don't want to use something like Talks A Lot or Lives-In-Another-Province. and they are very long to type out.
Soooo, Bigger and her boyfriend of three years broke up earlier this year. She was devastated so all of us went through her emotional upheaval and outbursts. Not that that's new or anything, but she's been slowly getting better. That may change since I now have a new computer in our shared living room. exciting! But kinda stressful. I need to find a version of Microsoft, either legal or *the other kind* ahem, hem because all of my documents are unreadable since they are Microsoft Office and this computer only has Word. I've had the computer for like  six hours and already I'm kinda crazy from not having it.

But today, (uh, yesterday...) was great. I spent it with my mom, Big and my cousin Dude which was great. We had a barbecue with everyone and then I went upstairs and cleaned my room. It feels like a real turning point, because I haven't cleaned in a few months. It has to be the weather, the fresh air the warmness all made me feel like I had all the time in the world. Good gracious, I love summer!

Another big change has been that my eldest sister, Biggest broke up with her husband. They've been together for so long, and quite a few things came out that none of us knew that were really shitty. I'm so confused and disappointed, not really in my sister, but in the loss of the connection of my brother. Its just so new. I'm trying not to judge either since she has a new boyfriend already. but I can't wait to see her this summer. I don't even want to talk about her separation and eventual divorce but just give her a big hug and hang out with her.

Too much change, too much distraction. No writing, hardly any reading and too much sleeping and stressing. But summer's here, summer with his warm breezes and longer daylight hours.

Fuck

So, NaNoWriMo is kicking my ass. It's seven days in and I've writen a little over 5,000 words. The website says I'll be done ine late December. Fuck you NaNoWriMo website! You don't know how well I scramble and finish shit when it comes to the deadline. I see myself at 6:30 on November 30th typing like a coffee fuelled mad woman, which I will be. In fact, I think I'll go write right now. And don't read that last sentence out loud. It'd make your head hurt.

Plans

To me honest, I don't actually like talking about myself. So I'm gonna use a starting phrase that will help to

I have been feeling...
I had thought......
I plan to......

And so on and so forth. This might help to organize my thoughts since I'm honestly all over the fucking place.

So I'll get started. I have two plans to maintain this month and I will explain them to you. First, I will be committing to Nanowrimo, which is short for National Novel Writing Month. This takes place world wide and I will be working with my friend Sarah. We're not working together, but we're gonna spend time going over our ideas and help each other plot our storylines. I feel that this is NOT going to work because the two of us are so completely opposite and our minds work so differently. But we'll try. Sarah also has a new place, the first in our group to have their own place.
Second, November will be the first No-Books-For-Ashley month. I'm not allowed to buy any book for any price and I'm not allowed to order any either. The only exception is the fall booksale at the public library. This will probably be the last sale until the spring so I want to get in their to get some great deals. But I was spending too much money on books, going to the libraries, this constant yard sale, Value Village, etc.
So I'm gonna be really fucking pissed for most of November. Its gonna be fun!
Not.