A Joke

   You may not realize this, but I'm fucking hilarious. No, it doesn't really matter whether you agree, in my heart I know its true. So it is. Just like that peeps. Magic. 
  So because I'm hilarious, I enjoy a good joke. 
  Here is one. 


A politician dies. He awakes at the Pearly Gates, in front of a slightly confused St. Peter. He asks Pete what's up. 
  Pete replies, "Well sir, you're name is here on the dead list, but it doesn't specify where you're to go. Now I've been thinking and I've decided to let you decide. You can go to either, because you've been a good person through charities you've supported but you've been bad too, being a politician. So, you're gonna spend a day in heaven and a day in hell. Where do you wanna go first?"
   The politician shrugs and says "I guess we'll go down first." So he takes the elevator below. When he arrives and steps out, he is greeted by a glorious sight. An endless expanse of a perfect cut grass makes the most beautiful golf course in existence. Piles of sinful food sends mouth watering scents though the air. Crowded on the tables are bottles of hundred year old whiskey and scotch and champagne. Woman of all shapes and sizes await his every whim. And man! All of his friends are down here. 
   The politician spends the day in absolute ecstasy, drinking and golfing and fucking and hanging with old friends. The day ends and he takes the elevator back up to the gates. Here he enters heaven. It's cool, with harps and angels and shit, and the politician is torn. When the second day ends, St. Peter drags the politician back out to the Pearly Gates. 
  "Alright," Pete says, "which will it be: heaven or hell?"
   "Well I don't know," the politician replies, "hell is, well, hell, and heaven is lovely and all, but hell, man it's got everything! The golf course, the food, the booze, the women and all my buddies. I know it doesn't sound right, but Pete, I think I'm gonna head down to hell.
  St. Peter nods his head and sends the politician back down the elevator. When he arrives at the gates of hell this time, its fire and brimstone and torture and shit. The politician stands there stunned when Lucifer happens to pass by. The politician gets Satan's attention and asks "what the hell is this place? I was here yesterday, and it was nothing like this. Where's the course and the booze and the women? Where'd they go?" 
   Lucifer shrugs, "Yesterday was the campaign. You voted for hell and the election's over."     
  
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
     I got this joke from my grandfather's old friend (the friend isn't old but my grandfather's dead, so technically, its Grandpa's former friend). While out eating tonight, my parents and I overhead him telling this joke to his dinner companion. I thought it was awesome, especially since the friend is a politician. I changed it a bit, mainly because I wasn't paying attention for the first part of the joke and partly because I'm better at telling jokes. Oh modestly, thy name is not mine. 
    Night dorks. 


BTW, the word "ecstasy" was originally capitalized by Blogger. Nice, Blogger. Real nice, you fucking druggie.