Friday, August 9, 2013

Fifth grade All Over Again

I am reading instead of writing. I have had this problem since Harriet the Spy and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, both reading assignments in the fifth grade. Hence the title. your welcome.
I'll go over the series, mostly for me, but a little for you as well.
I'm reading a lot of Jill Shalvis, because that woman is awesome. I've read the first Wilder book, Instant Attraction, which was easy since I own it. then I had to wait for the next two. Damn!
Shalvis' Lucky Harbor series is going well. I just finished the third one, Head over Heels, excellent. then I read the fourth, Lucky in Love in about five minutes. Okay four hours, but it was great. And I just got the fifth, At Last from the library.
Animal Magnestism series is great, read the second, Animal Attraction in a day, then Rescue my Heart in a day. Now I have to wait until November for the fourth.
I read the end of Double Play, the first in her Pacific Heat series, because I'm, bad to the bone and now I'm nervous about reading the entire thing, because I'm stupid like that. I have to read the first in the Sky High series, Smart and Sexy, but I thought they were gonna be short stories but they aren't so I'm a little discouraged. (Short stories don't cause me as much heartache or stress because the problems are resolved quickly.)
I also started Shannon Stacey's Kowalski Family series, which is freaking awesome. I'm just about to start the third one, although I firmly believe the second will be my favorite forever. And Goodreads was so rude about it! ugh, heartbreaking. And I have to read some Inter library loaned books, one of which is the first in the Charmed Ninth Season graphic novel, another with short romances. I feel bad because they brought in a whole bunch of books that I requested but was too impatient for so bought. I mean, I bought all of them. So now I'm getting an inpour of these books and I've already read them all. I feel so guilty.

There are other updates, but I'm gonna wait for a while to talk about them. I already told my mother and she told my dad and they both got pissy about it, so fuck that, I'm not telling anyone else. I'm not ashamed, and I'm not avoiding telling people in case I don't go through with it I won't feel guilty. I just don't want everyone to start harping on me. These people can be real annoying.

So, I'm gonna go type up some ideas, and I think I'm gonna use the blog post space to do it, since I'm able to type away here. Microsoft Word intimidates me, APPARENTLY. So, happy typing. Wish me luck!!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Bathroom <- this is a horrible title. I'm very sorry

This will be TMI. Just so you know.

I have a very strong relationship with my bathroom. There are positive aspects, like showers and cleaning and fresh towels. I like all that. then they is the other side, the dark side, the one I don't talk about. The toilet wars.

Dun, dun, duh!

I don't eat wheat. No, scratch that, I don't eat wheat, or gluten or anything that has "whe" or malt in it. Except cheese. I eat the hell out of cheese. So, don't eat gluten. this means I don't eat breads or crackers, which would normally provide a large amount of fiber to my diet. fiber. So when I go to the bathroom, that stuff shoots of out me. Unfortunately, that's not the end of this story.

I also eat food that isn't too great for me. for instance, cheese. See my relationship mentioned above? Yeah, I LOVE cheese. I like cheddar, feta, and brie. I like mozzarella, i like soft cheese, and hard cheese and the fake cheese that you buy for nachos and the fake cheese you sprinkle onto your pasta. Me likey cheese. Cheese likes me too. Cheese remains for a long time, if you get my drift. So I can spend a week or two going fiber-lite, with frequent bathroom breaks and all. Then I'll attack some cheese and not go forever. this is what has happened here. Not only do I suffer from eating only the slightest bit of gluten by getting instant bathroom visits (I live out of that bathroom, if you're getting me here) or I can spend the day reading trying to go to the bathroom from an attack of the Cheese. So, 30 degrees outside plus humidity, and I get to hang out in my bathroom trying not to explode and/or cry.

You are very welcome for the visual
Have a great day, and AVOID THE CHEESE.

Dun, dun Duh!!!!

Ha, I'm just kidding. go eat some cheese. Save some for me. I'm getting some feeling back in my legs.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

June 16

I've been focusing on music and tv lately. I quit my job in May, which was awesome and am not really searching for a new one. So I watch movies and listen to music. I've memorized the words to When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars and Pontoon by Big Little Town. And I do sing them better. Its nice to just sit upstairs and belt away my favourites and relax. Jesus, I am relaxed. don't get me wrong, I understand that I need a job, I need to help pay bills, start putting away for a house, need to finish up my high school and unattatch myself from my mother. But for today, and maybe even tomorrow, this is nice.
We have a tornado warning in effect, its storming every ten minutes but its nice. I adore stormy weather, so this is a little perfect. Two sisters just left after father's day dinner and the eldest is coming in July. My parents are still struggling with bills, I'm still in a slump, my grandmother is still manipulating and favouring all her other children over my mother, one of my sisters is still an asshole, but I'LL BE OKAY. I think that's what I have to remember, what I have to keep repeating. Is that I WILL get better and I WILL succeed. I need to do it for my mom and my dad and the sisters and to write all the books, and for me. I can't keep letting the depression kill me, stop letting it control my life and my actions. I need to write everyday, and I need to see my friends, and I need to read and I need a job. Geez, I'm exhausted. Talk to you later

Monday, April 29, 2013

Update for April

I'm writing this at four in the morning. don't judge me, this is when I'm at my best. A lot of stuff has been happening recently. I've been having major trouble at work, but I don't want to talk about that. my older sister Bigger (the second born sister, there are four of us, its hard to use good pseudonyms when I don't want to use something like Talks A Lot or Lives-In-Another-Province. and they are very long to type out.
Soooo, Bigger and her boyfriend of three years broke up earlier this year. She was devastated so all of us went through her emotional upheaval and outbursts. Not that that's new or anything, but she's been slowly getting better. That may change since I now have a new computer in our shared living room. exciting! But kinda stressful. I need to find a version of Microsoft, either legal or *the other kind* ahem, hem because all of my documents are unreadable since they are Microsoft Office and this computer only has Word. I've had the computer for like  six hours and already I'm kinda crazy from not having it.

But today, (uh, yesterday...) was great. I spent it with my mom, Big and my cousin Dude which was great. We had a barbecue with everyone and then I went upstairs and cleaned my room. It feels like a real turning point, because I haven't cleaned in a few months. It has to be the weather, the fresh air the warmness all made me feel like I had all the time in the world. Good gracious, I love summer!

Another big change has been that my eldest sister, Biggest broke up with her husband. They've been together for so long, and quite a few things came out that none of us knew that were really shitty. I'm so confused and disappointed, not really in my sister, but in the loss of the connection of my brother. Its just so new. I'm trying not to judge either since she has a new boyfriend already. but I can't wait to see her this summer. I don't even want to talk about her separation and eventual divorce but just give her a big hug and hang out with her.

Too much change, too much distraction. No writing, hardly any reading and too much sleeping and stressing. But summer's here, summer with his warm breezes and longer daylight hours.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

It's been a while

I actually don't mind that I haven't been here for a while.
Wow, I can't believe I'm starting with a lie.
Let's go again! Alright, three, two, one

Hello readers (all 2 (ha!) of you)!
I haven't posted in about three months. And no, I cannot go back to the main page to see what the actual date of my last post was because I'm lazy.
I've been suffering from a bad bout of depression since Christmas and spend most of my days sleeping or playing Scrabble on the Facebook. I've now changed medications and am slowly increasing my dosage. The only downside to this new medications is the very vivid (and violent) dreams I have. For instead, in a three night streak, I had a dream that I was murdered and had to solve my own murder (lazy living people. Just lazy), then the next night I had a dream I was raped and living through the trauma and for the grand finale, I lost a child in pregnancy. What a wonderful way to wake up. Happy Happy Happy! Last night I dreamed I was killed by a biker gang looking for my Buick. Yeah, these bitches are specific.
But really, let us move on from that. Some positive at the moment (we're gonna ignore all the negative because they give me headaches and cause me to wake up at three in the morning and vomit.) yeah, so Positive!
1. I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen's album Born in the U.S.A, which is one of my absolute favourites. I know all the words and I might dance around in my room to the music.
2. I'm beating at least three people on the Facebook Scrabble at the moment, which is fantastic! And now I've just jinxed myself, so, happy happy, you bloody idiot.
3. I'm going to an indoor yard sale tomorrow and hopefully Value Village and our local used book store. Three of my absolute favourite places in town, since I can acquire cheap books there. Hooray!
4. I've used so many sarcastic exclaimation points in this post, I'm almost giddy. (Everyone except the last one. Do not use sarcastic exclaimation points about my books. I will cut you.)
5. Not really positive, but I'm going to a party on Saturday. I don't actually like the context of the party since I have to spend money, but I like most of the people going, so, uh cool.
6. I finished my quilt! YAY! I need to take a picture and I should show what I did with all those knitted squares. I really like the results and my parents do too. (They're the ones that received it for Christmas)
7. Mardi Gras' coming up. I am so not Catholic, but I really like the idea of parades and masks, so Mardi Gras is my jam. I do plan to go down to New Orleans before I'm 25 so I can experience the real thing.
8. I'm getting paid tomorrow. That means I get to buy food. Once again, Woohoo!

I really can't think of anything else, and now am kinda bummed that I only found eight things that I'm actually excited about. My grandmother has some autoimmune disease, Bigger broke up with Stretch, Big isn't speaking to Mom because Big hasn't gotten my nephew (he's a dog, BTW) his shots and Mom is upset about that, Mom found a bug in Baby's (my cat) fur. I open on Saturday, which blows. My next pay will be tiny since I took a week off to go visit my cousin. And it's still snowing.

I guess you gotta take the good with the bad, but at the moment, my head is more occupied with darkness than any light. I'm not a danger to myself, but I feel empty most of the time, and listless for the other parts. Finding things I like or love has been a struggle, but as I do I get obsessed then exhausted with my efforts. I've lost my appetite, for life, food, information. I can't read most books through unless its an obsession (one series in particular). I force myself to eat and I stress over everything. The future looks bleak and the world looks bleak. I wish it would stop, but the depression is always here, always keeping me company. They say depression is like a black dog, but I love dogs. My depression is an uninvited guest, who makes you uneasy and uncomfortable while taking your time and your space. It's fucking wretched to say the least. I don't know what I'll do.
I'll try to post soon, so no one worries too much, but for the moment, this is all I can say.

gotta go guys. may your troubles leave you soon.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Shit, I Missed a Day

Nope. Didn't get to post a picture today, cause I worked from way too early in the morning until one this afternoon. It blew fucking chunks. So you can take a look at all the Terry Pratchetts I have. Checks are owned and 'x's are read. Enjoy. and yes, I did make all those check marks. aren't I awesome?
 Your welcome

Thursday, November 8, 2012

New Idea That Will Not Last, We All Know This

Made on Best Buy post pad, as you can tell by the hole.

Take a picture everyday, HOPEFULLY next time it will include my face, but man do I really suck at taking pictures. They're either fuzzy and I've taken eighteen but picked the fuzzy one, or they have the most fucked up angles ever. I don't meind my double chin but we have to see the note. Obviously.