It's been a while

I actually don't mind that I haven't been here for a while.
Wow, I can't believe I'm starting with a lie.
Let's go again! Alright, three, two, one

Hello readers (all 2 (ha!) of you)!
I haven't posted in about three months. And no, I cannot go back to the main page to see what the actual date of my last post was because I'm lazy.
I've been suffering from a bad bout of depression since Christmas and spend most of my days sleeping or playing Scrabble on the Facebook. I've now changed medications and am slowly increasing my dosage. The only downside to this new medications is the very vivid (and violent) dreams I have. For instead, in a three night streak, I had a dream that I was murdered and had to solve my own murder (lazy living people. Just lazy), then the next night I had a dream I was raped and living through the trauma and for the grand finale, I lost a child in pregnancy. What a wonderful way to wake up. Happy Happy Happy! Last night I dreamed I was killed by a biker gang looking for my Buick. Yeah, these bitches are specific.
But really, let us move on from that. Some positive at the moment (we're gonna ignore all the negative because they give me headaches and cause me to wake up at three in the morning and vomit.) yeah, so Positive!
1. I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen's album Born in the U.S.A, which is one of my absolute favourites. I know all the words and I might dance around in my room to the music.
2. I'm beating at least three people on the Facebook Scrabble at the moment, which is fantastic! And now I've just jinxed myself, so, happy happy, you bloody idiot.
3. I'm going to an indoor yard sale tomorrow and hopefully Value Village and our local used book store. Three of my absolute favourite places in town, since I can acquire cheap books there. Hooray!
4. I've used so many sarcastic exclaimation points in this post, I'm almost giddy. (Everyone except the last one. Do not use sarcastic exclaimation points about my books. I will cut you.)
5. Not really positive, but I'm going to a party on Saturday. I don't actually like the context of the party since I have to spend money, but I like most of the people going, so, uh cool.
6. I finished my quilt! YAY! I need to take a picture and I should show what I did with all those knitted squares. I really like the results and my parents do too. (They're the ones that received it for Christmas)
7. Mardi Gras' coming up. I am so not Catholic, but I really like the idea of parades and masks, so Mardi Gras is my jam. I do plan to go down to New Orleans before I'm 25 so I can experience the real thing.
8. I'm getting paid tomorrow. That means I get to buy food. Once again, Woohoo!

I really can't think of anything else, and now am kinda bummed that I only found eight things that I'm actually excited about. My grandmother has some autoimmune disease, Bigger broke up with Stretch, Big isn't speaking to Mom because Big hasn't gotten my nephew (he's a dog, BTW) his shots and Mom is upset about that, Mom found a bug in Baby's (my cat) fur. I open on Saturday, which blows. My next pay will be tiny since I took a week off to go visit my cousin. And it's still snowing.

I guess you gotta take the good with the bad, but at the moment, my head is more occupied with darkness than any light. I'm not a danger to myself, but I feel empty most of the time, and listless for the other parts. Finding things I like or love has been a struggle, but as I do I get obsessed then exhausted with my efforts. I've lost my appetite, for life, food, information. I can't read most books through unless its an obsession (one series in particular). I force myself to eat and I stress over everything. The future looks bleak and the world looks bleak. I wish it would stop, but the depression is always here, always keeping me company. They say depression is like a black dog, but I love dogs. My depression is an uninvited guest, who makes you uneasy and uncomfortable while taking your time and your space. It's fucking wretched to say the least. I don't know what I'll do.
I'll try to post soon, so no one worries too much, but for the moment, this is all I can say.

gotta go guys. may your troubles leave you soon.

ABC's of Ashley

Yes, I did steal this meme from her because I don't post enough, and it looked like fun. So here goes.

A. Age: 18. Legal to vote, but I can't drink. Damn Ontario laws!

B. Bed size: King (technically two singles put together, but let's not be choosy)

C. Chore that you hate: Decluttering with my mom. Because she really sucks at decluttering.  

D. Dogs: Does my sister's dog count? Because I think he really should.

E. Essential start to your day: Peeing. Wow, I really have no schedule. Can you guess I'm a teenager? 

F. Favorite color: Purple.

G. Gold or silver: Gold, because it goes really well with my skin tone and I like gold jewellry.

H. Height: 5'7 3/4 (and yes, that 3/4 matters)

I. Instruments that you play: Guitar, violin and flute, though all of them mediocre.

J. Job title: Awesome. Or Student. or Daughter/Sister. But Awesome pretty much covers it.

K. Kids: None. (Cat doesn't count because she hates me)

L. Live: Sudbury. Northern Ontario. Canada.  

M. Mother's name: None of your business. (Lisa, but don't tell anyone!)

N. Nicknames: Ash, Nemo, Marie, Judy.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Tonsil removal (I wonder if there's an official name for this, but I'm too lazy to google it)

P. Pet peeves: People telling me I'm being mean. You think I don't notice? Perhaps I'm being mean for a reason, you idiot. Get away from me before I kick you in the shin 

Q. Quote from a movie: All I can think of is "Truth? you can't handle the truth!" and I've never even seen that movie. Dear god.

R: Right or left handed: Left. There are so many things that I can say about this, but I'll just leave it be. For now

S: Siblings: Three of 'em, none of whom know about this blog so I cannot tell you their names.

T: Travel favorite: Really anywhere that I have to travel in a car for an extended period of time. I just like riding in cars.

U. Underwear: Really, let's not mention it.  

V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Celery, because its stringy and not in a good way like pineapple.

W. What makes you run late: What makes me really late is having control over my schedule. Because I'm honestly the slowest person in the damn world (or at least in my acquaintence) 

X. X-rays you've had: For my teeth. Because I'm crazy like that.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Ah, so many things. Potato salad is my favourite.

Z. Zoo animal: Monkeys. And I have no explaination for this

Ah, aren't you glad you know all this?
And look, this is the post where I revealed my name. Isn't that nice. Did you catch it? Huh, go back, look it over. Ah, there you go

Been Busy

So, it's been around two months since I've posted. BUT! I have been busy with a whole bunch of shit.

I've been.....
                     Knitting

I've been doing a lot of knitting. I'm making a blanket. It started as a throw, but man is it growing.

I also went book shopping to expand my empire, I mean, collection

Yeah, I'm a book slut, I know.

The cats are good, thanks for asking. Baby was attacked by a cone, since she had some organs removed so she couldn't have babies. Chopsticks has two pictures because she is freakishly photogenic. I mean, really! Go back and look at her. So cute. Aww!

I've also been making my prom dress. I started yesterday, and prom's on friday. Yeah, I planned ahead, can't you tell?

And I made rice crispies, which by and far is the most important thing here

There. I posted. Now let me get on with my crap.

Things that Happened Since We Last Spoke

  Which occurred sometime last week when I spoke about marble busts. What?, you say. You spoke of marble busts (or is it busks, huh)?! How exciting, how adventurous. Anyway.

1.    Blogger has changed its template (program, oh whatever, its the viewy thing), which I do NOT like. I didn't like the other one either, so you can ignore this one. Wow, I feel like I'm trying to make a list on Microsoft Word, which I cannot do, and everything is fucking up.  
2.    I decided to clean my laptop (aka Marco, yes he does have a name) keyboard. This was a bad idea because a) I had no idea how to pop keys bad into place b) I have split salsa, a whole glass of water and either a smushed raspberry or a strawberry on the whole thing so it is disgusting. I also have four cats, so it is HAIRY in their. But fortunately, armed with a good number of Lysol wipes (which I use for everything. Lysol, honey, you wanna hook me up I could wax on and on about the power of Lysol in all forms. Call me. Uh, well email me. Just get in touch babe.) Right, so the keyboard is clean and all. Well its kinda clean. All the salsa blotches are gone, so yay! Sadly, some of my keys don't like staying put and pop out randomly and the other one enjoy sticking or jamming. Fun times we're having, me and Marco. Dear Marco gonna get a kick in the screen and a trip to the dumpster. Don't fuck with me Marco, I'm warning you. 
3.     I listen to "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People around 43 times today. I think I'm in love. 
4. I wasted, I mean, enjoyed an entire day, an endless ten hours volunteering at the large Petsave. There were around two hundred cats and ten dogs. I was in frickin heaven peeps.

Shit that's gonna/got to happen
1.       I have to reschedule my appointment with my pediatrician. Yes, I have a kid doctor. You pause and probably say, isn't she seventeen? Yeah, I am but the internal doctor I was supposed to have doesn't take any patients younger than eighteen so I got a kiddie doctor. It sucks because I have to sit in a room with little kids every couple of months with my mom. Picture giant me, 5'8, build like a shithouse trying to blend in around three and two year olds. I love hanging out for twenty or thirty minute in an awkward situation. Ever happens again you call me up!
         The situation blows for a second time because my doctor's secretary asked to speak with my mother for my information because apparently I either don't know or am a liar. I know its policy but Christ lady, I'm old enough to be here with my own kid. You think I don't know my own goddamn address? It's funny that they won't take information from you at the age of seventeen but at eighteen I'll what, suddenly become an upstanding citizen and never lie and tell the whole truth? Oh please AND bite me.
          I have to reschedule because I procrastinated (there Mother, I admitted it. Are you happy?) and didn't schedule glucose testing until last Wednesday. The lab could only schedule me on the 15th of Spetember, which is a week before the doctor's appointment and the results take at least two weeks to come back. 
2.       I will be returning to school in under twelve hours. I'm so freaking nervous that I feel like vomiting. More on that later.                                                                         
            This rambling thing that occurs in the posts in very much true. If it doesn't contain rambling then it has probably been edited. I ramble and I try to just let everything flow when I write on here. If I do it here, I suppose, then I won't do it on assignments or essays in school and I (hopefully) won't do it as much at home. So if you don't like it, you can leave, because I'm sure it won't be a changing.                                                         
     Finally, if I go missing or wind up dead, check the laptop for any dents. (Marco probably did it) Heh, love you Marco <smiles winningly> 

Because you need the song stuck in your head too. 

The amnimals II (From Lilo and Stitch. I remembered the movie!!)

  I've recently become obsessed with puppies. I don't want a puppy, no not at all. In fact, every time I look at puppy, I go "ah, cute! way too much poop". Oh, yeah, poop is the main reason. But I love all animals, but right now, a puppy isn't in the works.
  I think I'm upset because I recently made a very serious decision. To me, the decision is epic, to the rest of the world, not so much.
  I mentioned recently that my family and I found a little black pregnant kitten in the backyard. Yeah, she did end up pregnant and a little over three weeks ago, she gave birth to two tiny, fuzzy adorable little kitties. One is black with a white under belly, she is so fricking adorable, and I named her Black n White (oh yeah, I'm original). The other one is mainly black like her mom, but she has blotches of white and gold and orange. Her original name was Reese's Pieces, because she looks like peanut butter and chocolate, but that name was veetoed (even though they're technically MY cats) and we all call her Peanut Butter.


Six weeks later, when I got around to finishing this post...


The big decision that was made is that we can't keep Black n White and Peanut Butter. They will be going to Petsave, the organisation where my mother and I volunteer as soon as possible. They will get lovely homes and live with good people. I have to tell myself this because if I even think otherwise, I feel like I'm gonna cry. They are evil little kitties, but somewhere deep down they're good too. Well maybe. Here are pictures. 

Black n White, sleeping

"You're an idiot" Peanut Butter's so hostile

"Don't take my damn picture! I'm gonna move, such to screw up you picture! Ha!" 

They both look evil. Mom and baby.

If you're good, you get more photos. And yeah, they swear a lot. They did grow up around me and Big. Big's swears more though. 
    Alright, get gone. Go pet a cat. Unless they're outside and will swipe you and you get rabies or cat scratch fever, like my sister Bigger. The fever, not rabies, although the rabies would explain a lot about Bigger. Just kidding. Uh, not. Just be good to cats people. Oh, and dogs. Yup, still obsessed with puppies. 

The amnimals (You know, from that Disney movie..oh never mind!)

Make a note: I am not like the chick above. She scares the bejeesus out of me. Just so you know. 


   I have two cats. Well, I think I have two cats. A black kitten showed up a couple of Sundays ago and she's still in limbo. I'll talk more about that in a minute. But, see, back in July last year, we (family and I) lost our first cat, a Russian blue, when she was hit by a car. She unfortunately didn't die when she was hit but dragged herself home, was found, lived upstairs as I followed her around wiping up her piss and shit before we brought her to the vet and she had to be put down. So I was depressed because my cat was dead. 

This isn't her. This is a Google cat. She looked like this, but cuter of course. 

  
     But don't be really sad. She wasn't a terribly affectionate cat and often attacked during the night. (That kinda sounds harsh, but well, deal) But about three weeks later, our family found a kitten at the local adoption center (or centre, it's spelled both ways, spell checker, don't call me a liar with your little red squiggly lines!) and, uh, reread the last bit, and fell in love. With the cat. That I mentioned before. She's named Chopsticks, but nobody EVER calls her that. I call her Baby and Munchkin and Babe and Princess Prissy, etc, etc. 

This is Google cat two! Yay! Chops looks like this, but with more black and huge ears. Like enormous ears. Think of your grandpa's ears and that's what she has. My cat's cuter too, BTdubs. 

   
    So this new cat arrived in the back. She's incredibly adorable, pure black with subtle highlights, ie. hair like I want, only, you know, not all over my body... Anyway, the little one wasn't accepted right away, but after I got teary (don't scoff, I mean, here was this little starving kitten who could fit in my shoe (not a difficult task actually) who we were going to force to live in my neighborhood, where people intentionally kill outside cats, even though she was tiny and weak and defenseless?) So we brought her in the house. The defenseless part didn't last long because in her other life she was a ferocious lion or tiger, or some other big cat that was big and mean and bit all the other cats if they got too close to her food bowl. 

This representation of my cat (actually Google cat Three but the pissed off look is totally identical) is actually....

...This cat! Roar! This is Google Cat Four, obviously not mine, because well, I'd be smear on the floor, not writing this fantastic post. 

   Oh, yeah, back to the story. This new cat, who was named Moon (weird, it was my father's choice I swear) but was quickly (and secretly) renamed Monkey. <It's because her arms feel like a monkey's! No, it's not a weird name MOM...> Anyway, after Monkey had been living with us for about three weeks, all of us noticed that she had gotten fatter. "Yeah! she's gonna live and be healthy." Even bigger, she grew. "Oh shit, she's birthin'." I denied, my mother believed. She was right I was wrong, don't make me repeat that.  
  So now, the whole family waits in expectation (alright, alright it's just me, go ahead, spoil my moment..) for her to birth her itty bitty babies, who will then go to the adoption centre (because man, we can't take em) and be adopted out, because they'll be adorable and cranky, just like their mommy. 
   So, two cats, more on the way and bi monthly volunteering at a non-profit shelter where they never put animals to sleep if they aren't sick and all the animals live in the lap of luxury, eating like pigs and having hundreds of people pet them continually. 
  Oh, and additionally, I was wondering if anyone could sign up for this so that my organisation can receive a grant to buy their building. Sign up (they don't send spam out, I know, I have all three of my email accounts signed up), go to the 100, 000 dollar idea and vote for -To give our pets "A New Leash on Life"- within the next three days. This is important people and a timed expedition. The pressure on. Live long and prosper. 


Dear god, I just quoted Star Trek. I feel dirty and cool at the same time. Weird.